Thursday, December 29, 2011

go hard or go home.

So, I know this isn't really sticking to what I should be reading but I just was reeaaallyyy looking forward to reading this. I was going to order a hard copy and then I got my Nook. I'll rave about this here so I won't annoy my friends with my overzealous rants that they probably could care less about, lol. I'm so pleased with this book. I'm kinda stingy and buy books as cheap as I can get 'em (or for free, hence the websites) but this book was worth the 15 bucks I spent. Mindy doesn't get enough airtime on The Office but her character is always really funny. Her book is incredible though..she totally seems like someone I would get along with and befriend instantaneously. She's a little quirky but I kind of love it and she can come off really educated using all these SAT words but still describing her experiences in a more relate-able way (i.e. when she describes a dance audition she went to and said she looked like "a fucking idiot.") She also gets pretty personal while keeping a really affable tone and has really learned from what she's been through. I thought I was the only one that got depressed with relationship articles saying marriage was archaic. I don't know if I'm a feminist per-say but I admire her, Amy Poehler, and Tina Fey for being able to keep up in a male-dominated field so well without resorting to posting up a slutty video on YouTube. It means there's still hope in the world. I loved every single page, which is why I finished this in one day. I don't think anything has grabbed my attention like that in a while. Go hard or go home.

'til next time, stay classy ♥

Monday, December 26, 2011

the calm after the storm.

So...I have really been distracted. It's that Christmas rush. I was surprised at how pleasant it was. Even the meeting with my dad's part of the family was fun (and that's normally pretty bland). I guess it's the peace you feel when you have God on your side. It's the first year but I feel a major difference a in my attitude. I haven't been reading as much though. :( I'll post next time with a review. I've been pretty busy...and met someone who's pretty awesome. Anyways, just checking in to let whoever reads this know I'm still alive, haha. Happy holidays to all!

Here's also a video. I like the version by Lil' Wayne (it's a lot calmer/ more tame than his usual stuff) but this guy's rendition is awesome. Also, the dancers are awesome.

'til next time, stay classy♥

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

quick read.

I bought a lot of Nicholas Sparks's books on Ebay because I wanted to read this one. Also, I had read The Wedding and wanted my own copy (since I had returned the book to a friend a while back). I plan to resell the lot on ebay but thought I should check out a few of them beforehand. I read reviews to this book before and bad ones made this book seem completely disappointing but I happened to like it. Maybe because I'm not a loyal reader of his novels or maybe because it was just fun to have my imagination run wild for the first time in a while. The other books I read were thought-provoking but mostly due to self-evaluation. This book reminded me why I used to love reading so much. I do agree with some of the comments on the bad reviews though: 
*Kevin's character was really deranged and seemed repetitive but maybe that was the effect Sparks was going for. The constant Bible references that motivated his psychosis were a bit much though..not too sure how I feel about that.
*Alex and Katie's romance did seem to just sprout a little out of nowhere but the dialogue was endearing so I could forgive the lack of character development.
*I didn't expect for it to get as dark as it did in the second half (which was a major complaint of Sparks' lack or originality) but it kept me glued to the pages. It's supposedly "a carbon copy of Sleeping With the Enemy" but since I haven't seen that movie, this story line achieved its purpose to shock and awe me. 
*I didn't see the ending coming. 
I guess it was just juicy to me because it was a change of pace from all the Christian books. Finished it in about 3 hours so it apparently sat well with me. Reading this was better than watching TV but I'll just have to go through a few more of his novels before I could have a concrete opinion of his style. 

'til next time, stay classy♥

Saturday, December 3, 2011


Before this review, I thought I should post this really awesome video my best friend pleasantly surprised me with!
This is a book I bought (not got for free in lieu for a review) and it was worth every penny. Other than Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley, this is probably the most powerful book I've read this year. I'm not the only one who agrees..this is the only book I've looked up on that got all its reviews with a 5 star rating. This one is different from Andy's because this one isn't a self-help. It's definitely focused on Jesus. His use of analogies was superb and so was the tone of the book overall. Usually, when authors use asterisks/cliffnotes it's for clarification purposes on background information or translations but this asterisks always surprised me with jokes. That was an interesting and fun way to keep the audience engaged and on a good mindset since this book does get pretty heavy sometimes. The concept of yada came up in this book (like it did in What Are You Waiting For?) and just emphasizes the kind of love God knows and wants us to know. He also stresses the importance of being authentic over being perfect, focusing on relationship rather than rules, and on following over believing. The quote used on the cover of the book pretty much summarizes my feelings. "Kyle's words are, at once, profound and practical." -Max Lucado. He has this way of writing to where you feel like it''s relatable (like from a friend) yet coming from a really wise mentor (like someone who you respect more than treasure as a friend). He clears up what a real invitation to follow Jesus looks like and challenges you to question whether you're a fan or follower. It's really amazing in more ways than one and it would take me forever to elaborate so I'll stop here (lol). His "Not a Fan" testimonies were awesome too. Just a great concept overall that was worded in a way that was deep yet clear (when writing is usually one or the other).

'til next time, stay classy ♥

Sunday, November 27, 2011

energetic choreography!

I can't believe I went from performing at halftime shows for the Capitol One Bowl and the Spurs to nothing...
I'm lovin' the vibe here and it makes me miss dancing sooo much! :(
I was looking through my ipod to update it and man, my tastes have changed.
I don't really have an affinity for hip hop/electro anymore but I still love the dancing aspect of it I guess.
Musically, I'm more critical of talent but as far as dancing is concerned...anything that feels good!

'til next time, stay classy♥

Saturday, November 26, 2011

video time!

haven't posted one in a while.
This is the guy I mentioned in a recent post that I discovered.
Guitar Center has begun to rub off on me, I suppose.
I use my Shazaam app to tag some songs I like on the radio and then I google them and just
browse around genres until I find things I like.
I like the original version of this song but I gotta admit this version is my favorite.
He's incredible..and so are David Ryan Harris, Dave Barnes, and Ernie Halter (in case you have time to kill and check them out). I was going to go see Dave Barnes in Austin but I couldn't get off for work! :( I was so excited, I got back on Facebook (after a 3 month hiatus) just so I could tag that I was there. I'm such a loser, lol.  His acoustic stuff is waayyy better than his more recent (and more pop-ish) CD and I was looking forward to seeing it live sooooooooo bad. Anyways, just thought I'd change it from book review after book review, haha. Enjoy! :)

til next time, stay classy!♥
ps- Have you noticed I changed the layout of the blog? You like? I was going for a more minimalist look.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

BFB Review #2: What Are You Waiting For? by Dannah Gresh

I was kind of hesitant to pick this book because I wasn't ready for what it might contain. Before I became a solid believer, I used to blatantly speak up about sex when asked but now I've become a new (and wiser) creation, as The Word would say. 
Anyways, I really ended up liking this book. It's one of those where you feel like you're just having a really good chat with a friend over some lunch. Dannah Gresh has a very transparent, personable, and loud voice when she writes and I really enjoyed it.
Her whole book centralizes around "yada" which translates from Hebrew as "to know, to be completely known, to be respected." Yada is essentially the kind of love God designed and she mentions how yada, yada, yada in English has a completely different meaning and it truly is mindblowing how so many of the words in Scripture are lost in translation and as a result, become minimized. 
That was one of the strengths of this book. She did her research and not only provided plenty of translations ("shakab", among others) but she even brings in examples from people on the opposite end of the spectrum who had to admit some faults in their judgments to make her arguments more concrete (like a liberal feminist on her comments on porn; I can't find the page number to site her! I'm sorry!).
A really good sentiment in that chapter reads: "Porn corrodes a marriage because lust kills love. Love gives; lust takes. Love sees a person; lust sees a body. Love is about you; lust is about me and my own gratification" )(page 85).
I can't really relate too much to the porn chapter but some of them really hit home. I was glad SOMEONE in the Christian community had the lady balls to talk about this stuff. Outside of church, sex is everywhere but the church tends to skirt around the topic (probably for censorship purposes).
The picture of the bulls-eye was a nice visual,the picture of Cali's fiance proposing was cute
and so were her examples of the payoffs of purity.
The book also comes with some challenges in prayer, a discussion guide in the back, and some pretty interesting fun facts throughout the book so you get a lot of information in one book!
The only thing I was say as a slight negative is that because Dannah has such a loud voice in her writing, sometimes she could sound offensive when she makes negative opinions but that's just a matter of wording. The lesbian chapter just sounded like lesbians were on crack (lol) I agree with what's being said but I guess I'd be a little more considerate of my audience? Maybe I'm just being critical.
Anyways, loved it. Read it in two hours and was something to be thankful for. (BTW, Happy Thanksgiving!) The chapters are short too so that made me feel like I was really breezing through it. (Maybe a trick she used?) She really did do a sensational job at making you appreciate and view sex in a totally new and exciting thing to look forward to..even brought out a tear or two. It really emphasizes purity and modesty without coming off as overbearing or offensive (which is hard to do in such topics). Awesome! 

Disclaimer: I received this book from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their blogging program in exchange for a book review. I was not required to give a favorable review. The opinions expressed are my own.

'til next time, stay classy! ♥

Sunday, November 13, 2011

first review for Blogging For Books!

"Raised Right" by Alisa Harris tells of a coming of age from the innocence she experiences as a child to the transcendence of her adulthood and all the shades of grey it brings.

It took a couple of pages for me to really begin to get into the book since I've been more into self-help books recently. A couple of reviews I read have complained that Alisa doesn't really give you any plan of action on how to differentiate faith and politics but if you turn to the back of the book, (by the bar code) it's under "christian living/social issues" not "spiritual growth/self-help". Her purpose for this book wasn't to cajole you into a certain direction but rather just share her experiences on why she's chosen hers. She closes each chapter really well and offers insight on topics like how what her old sign picketing definition of "love" doesn't compare to the man who gives leftovers at 5am to homeless people (chapter 1), how she says that "in the pursuit of self-preservation, we abandoned the values that are worth preserving" (chapter 5), and how Jesus "didn't call us simply to oppose positions that are wrong but to embody values that are heavenly" (chapter 6). Her insight offers a new perspective without discriminating on others who disagree. She talks about all her experiences from her childhood involvement in politics all the way to college and beyond, while stopping to reflect on the disillusions 9/11 brought, the restored faith she experiences during the Obama campaign (when she was previously campaigning for Bush), and the things she's learned from her parents that she'll pass onto her children.

I've made my faith a serious commitment recently (under a year ago) and can honestly relate to what's being said. Finding that balance is a journey we're all on and she candidly owns up to the complexities of that. Early on in her life, she saw things in black and white and also states how that was a safety net. As she stepped out into the real world, she sees things and begins to ask a lot of questions. Although her parents had the best intentions, she began to see their methods to promote peace as selective and has since tried to adjust to more effectively lead a Christ-like life. The reviews used on the back covers talks about a new generation of Christians and I don't think there's much of a difference between then and now. She just seems more vulnerable and open about the struggles of being a Christian than others would admit to... and if anything, THAT is the new breed of Christian..admitting we're human instead of rubbing in a facade of perfection we don't have. The first step to progress is acknowledgement and Alisa has done a fine job of that. She respects all the values and virtues learned from her parents taught her and holds them close as she realizes labels are one-dimensional and as a result, becomes her own person...whether that fits into a specific category or not.

Overall, Alisa has created a great memoir with phenomenal writing. I can always respect someone who makes me learn new words and packs a punch in all the right placing while still being refreshingly funny.

The good folks at the Blogging For Books program provided me with a free copy of this book so I could review it. I wasn't paid or swayed into any certain opinions. Everything is from my own noggin!

'til next time, stay classy!♥

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Lately, I've made it imperative to serve myself more instead of the usual "selflessness" I was accustomed to. I voiced my concerns about this since I'm naturally a helper but my counselor quickly reassured me that although it can seem selfish, you can meet others need better if your needs are met first. I didn't believe that junk that first time I heard it but I've made an effort to exercise that (with counseling and a help from a few amazing books) and I gotta say it's actually quite liberating. I have started writing daily again and I'm reading more often. I even feel on top of my homework since I'm not procrastinating. Today at work, I typed out a 7 page assignment that's due next month and I felt great afterwards (even though my eyes hurt from looking at the screen). It's just good to know I'm not putting things off. I have even been doing good about walking Dusty daily and today, we ran through ALL of my neighborhood. Usually, I cut it short cuz I'm tired after my 12 hour days of work and school. The only things I need to work on though and getting up earlier so I can meditate on my devotionals and Scripture and also squeezing in more time for guitar. I do both now but it feels rushed. My life is pretty boring lately but I feel in control and that's something I haven't felt in a while. As a result, I've been in better moods and have even gotten more generous. I've been good about my 10% gift to my favorite church. I haven't gone in a while but I give to Grace because I like to feel my money's going somewhere I'm familiar with. I've been doing it for the past 4 checks. It's routine and doesn't bother me one bit. I gave leftover tacos to a hobo and put "God bless :)" on the box and he sat down, smiled, and prayed. I treated my coworkers to some pizza and soda and I'm also discovering some amazing music (Marc Broussard!!:) ). Despite my doubts, fears, and bitterness, things feel okay. Productivity is both a good distraction and a God-given treasure.

'til next time, stay classy ♥

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

just sad.

I usually don't write back to back days but today surprised me when my biology teacher told us 
if we wanted to opt out of doing a lab today and listen to a speaker instead. The class agreed but as soon as I found out what he was talking about, I was skeptical. This is part of the school's "distinguished speakers series" and surprisingly, they have brought some pretty legit guests. Today's was Michael Shermer and he was mostly promoting his newest book but all of his being wants to promote evolution.
This is the link to his wikipedia page:
Just so you can get a visual. Before he even started speaking, I felt like I was pacing back and forth in my mind. This guy is basically anti-God and makes that his lifestyle. Why would I want to listen to that?
He was funny and his observations and points were pretty solid but I still can't bring myself to look back.
I'm in a place in my faith where I've finally grown comfortable with every aspect of Christianity and to just have some guy propose theories that basically everything that happens to us can be traced back to certain things that happen in our brains just sounds stupid to me.
I agree with him saying science is our best tool but how can the human mind be expected to solve every possible question when we don't even use our full brains?
All I kept thinking was how this guy probably had some level of frustration in his life that made him turn to his equations and ideas. He was supposedly a Christian before.
Now he's promoting to live without God?
I don't buy it. Something traumatic had to have happened to him to go from one extreme to the other and quite frankly, as secure as he thinks he is behind his "answers" to everything, there is something he's not revealing. 
His desire to question everything is probably more driven by fear than anything.
He should pick up a Bible instead of trying to figure out everything on his own.
I'm all about enlightenment but this guy went about it the wrong way. It's a shame too.
He's pretty bright and charismatic. Living without any purpose other than some self-absorbed self-filling prophecy feels so absurd to me. Forgive my ranting but I'm just not used to having such a strong reaction from things like this.
Anyways, days like this make me proud of my progress in faith.
Thank the good Lord.
'til next time, stay classy!

a review for my own peace of mind.

So obviously, I'm on this kick of writing reviews now.
I originally started on my own but since then have found two websites that I will now be writing for.
I have my second book from booksneeze I have to start and my first from the Blogging For Books program (and that one is as thick as a Bible). For now though, I'm writing this one for me.
The other ones are for me too but this review isn't required and for the websites, I have to keep writing in order to keep reading.
Anyways, I had mentioned earlier in my blog that I was putting off a book I needed to finish and that's true.
I still haven't finished it. For now, I've marked the place I need to pick up on but as I'd be reading it, I'd look up at my collection of books and see "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley. When I'd be in my really bad moods, I'd think, "I really need to get to that book".

So I decided to finally do it and it was one of the best choices ever. 
I have respected Andy Stanley ever since I heard about him but this book has sealed the deal for me with him.
This book is a gift. His insight is not only easy to read and understand, but God-given.
Maybe I'm so in awe because I can apply it to my life right now but it's honestly my new favorite book.
In one of his sermons I saw online, he commented on the fact that some people criticize him for not being deep enough and he made everyone laugh when he said," I'm not deep because I'm CLEAR." He went by saying that people typically think the more confusing (and "deep") something sounds, the deeper the person is and we might try to deny it but we all like the riddle-ly cliches. Those are better to try to figure out than the ones that are spelled out for you.
This book is full of very spelled out insight...and that's something I think we need more of.
We need clarity.
We need answers to questions, not more questions to have to figure out.
This book talks about how basically all of our negative human interactions stem from either guilt, greed, anger, or jealousy and discusses what four things you can do to fix it.
He also brings up the topic of lust, which everyone probably thinks is one of the four (which is probably why he included it). He makes great points in every single topic and provides excellent examples of each (for both the problems and the solutions).
He even distinguishes the four from lust and the one difference is one to really consider.
This is a book I want to literally show to everyone I know and I've never had that urge with a book I've ever read.
I just finished it right before grabbing my laptop and feel compelled to share with everyone (or the 1.43 people that might happen to read this, haha).
Great job, Andy!

'til next time, stay classy!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

1st review for

"Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo
I originally read this book when I borrowed it from my now ex-fiance. 
His mom past it down to him and I heard all the buzz so I checked it out.
It's a story about a 4 year old boy who has a near death experience and through it comes a supernatural encounter with God.
The first time around, I was literally a few days into really accepting Christ so reading this book was mind-blowing. My jaw was literally dropping on some parts and I felt very encouraged that I had made the right choice in getting closer to God (especially the part when Colton knows about his other sister). I just could not believe that a little boy knew so many things and not understand the magnitude of his experience and how this family could manage to overcome all of the turmoil. I especially liked the generosity of the community and when Colton finally identified the right picture of Jesus.
Now a few months later, I re-read this book with a much more critical perspective (both because now I'm further in my walk in faith and because I now blog about books to help people). 
I gotta say, it's different when you've done your research. It didn't give me the "wow" it did the first time around.
I still breezed through it but I had a lot of question marks now.
I read a lot of reviews before I pick out a book to read now and will go out of my way to make sure I'm not reading anything from false prophets.
One person said a very insightful comment by noting that the marketing trick behind this was what's made it such a success. Everyone wants to believe it's from the child's point of view because of the cover (since children are less likely to manipulate because there's innocent).  I know that's what I thought initially. I thought it was Colton writing with adults helping him out with the proper grammar but it's pretty much the dad narrating. That's also pretty much how it goes in interviews and Colton seems to have more of a personality in the book than on camera. Here's a link:
According to this interview, he doesn't even remember it vividly because of time and I'm sorry but if I felt I met our Lord & Savior, I don't think I'd ever forget that. 
Do I feel that this book does its job? Yes. It definitely encourages us and reminds us of why we all follow God. It's also great for new believers who aren't familiar with Scripture (like it was for me then).
Do I think it's being done in the most accurate way? No. I think that the Burpos are genuine but I'm not exactly sure the experience was genuine. God provides us with all the information we need to know in His word and we should get as excited with that as we do with heartwarming tales like this. 
This book is tremendously popular because it paints the picture we all imagine but people forget about what has to happen in order for that to be a reality..the Burpos didn't have this experience when everything was picture was a hard road. We must remember that part of the story as much as the heaven part. 
The only difference between this version and the regular version is there's more pictures, which is kinda cool. I remember thinking the original version was a treat with just a few pages but this one almost has a mini scrapbook going. Overall, a great story with the right intentions.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

'til next time, stay classy!♥

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Firstly, I figured out how to put ads on this thing. Yay!
Secondly, the ad I put up (under my "about me") is about this cool website I found. 
As I mentioned before, I was already going to start my own book reviews here. Well now on this website, I can write reviews for myself and them simultaneously...and they give me the books for free.
How awesome is that? Yay!
The only downside is you have to pick from the limited selection they have but they update all the time...and you can't really complain when you get free books in exchange for your opinion.
Book 1 is already on its way! :)
I found it while reading reviews and trying to pick my next buys from I'm almost done with the one I originally needed to finish. A few days later that I wanted to but whatever.
A new hobby brewing maybe?
Sounds like it and as lame as it sounds, I'm excited...which is something I rarely experience as of late.

this made me wanna cry cuz it's soooo cute.

'til next time, stay classy!♥

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

i laugh every time.

still can't get over it..

Sunday, October 2, 2011

finally 21.

So today I was watching this guy at work play some really beautiful chords on the guitar (don't ask me which ones though haha) and I started thinking," Man, I've been putting off buying my guitar forever." 
I wanted to buy myself one for my birthday and start learning but because I had to pay some bills, I decided I would wait a little more. When I heard the guy play though, I was tired of hearing and wanted to make the music so I just bought this beauty. I think I'll name her Stela, lol.
My 21st wasn't at all what I imagined it to be. It was full of emotions and conflict and definitely not your average coming of age. However, I have some good people for friends so at the end of the evening, it turned out to a pretty fun time dining and drinking a few with some friends at a new restaurant that recently opened up. I did a lot of reflecting on how much had happened from one year to the next and how much my situation and my opinions have changed. For example, what I think about this link:

The article talks about Mexico considering temporary licenses. Basically people get married and at the two year mark, they renew their contract if it's going good or opt out to call it quits, supposedly to spare the stress of divorce. Now, while I understand the good intention of this I really am quite offended (which is something I haven't experienced before about topics like this). This is destroying the entire concept of marriage. Marriage is the biggest decision you can make and people are significantly reducing the importance by giving them a way out. It's degrading and sad. It makes me think of points from a lot of the books I have been reading recently. You don't get fat overnight. You get fat because slowly but surely, you eat more than you should and exercise less. It's a gradual process. Normally, you don't blow out your back in one injury. It's just years of stress that finally wear it down.Our economy's financial situation is a bunch of small, bad decisions that are now surfacing and biting us in the butt. This principle is what can also explain society. People ask why today's culture is as bad as it is right now and this "temporary marriage" idea is exactly why we keep digging ourselves into a deeper hole. It's choices like these that gear us in a direction where we shouldn't be going. I bought a journal in Memphis that had a lot of quotes I agreed with and I think this one applies:

"The more humanity advances, the more it is degraded." 

I've changed a lot of my ideas lately, not because I'm any less empathetic but because I'm learning that being objective doesn't mean being heartless. I used to let emotions control me and a lot of the times, that's why I failed. Living a life based on what you feel can be very, very up and down and I just want stability. I came across some interesting stats that made me think.

40 years ago…

  • The average house was 1000 sq feet, now it’s 2422 sq feet
  • A McDonald’s cheeseburger cost 30 min of wages, now it costs 3 min
  • There was 1 car for every 2 households, now there are 2 for every 1 household
  • Life expectancy has since gone up by an average of 8 years
  • GDP has since tripled or gone up 8.9 trillion dollars
So we live in bigger homes, make more money, and have longer lives. 
If that is the case, how can we explain that in the last 40 years:
  • The divorce rate has doubled
  • Teen suicide has tripled
  • Recorded violent crime has quadrupled
  • And depression has increased 10x – that’s right ten times.
These stats get me thinking..a lot.
I know what it feels like to be chronically depressed and don't want my children to feel what I did. 
The type of family I want has had me change opinions on a lot of things.
I used to be indifferent about this whole Toddlers & Tiaras controversy but now I think it's absurd. We are stripping innocence away from children. If we start drilling them about image at such a young age, how can we not expect them to have a complex growing up? I think kids have enough to worry about growing up in a decent household and parents who love them. Once they go out into the world, they are influenced by teachers, TV, and countless other sources and I can't honestly believe some parents subject their kids to such scrutiny. I don't want gay marriage to be legalized and I'm sorry if that offends.We are blurring too many lines. I get silver lining can be good but we need to have black and white. Structure is what keeps us grounded. If we don't stand for something, we fall for everything. People who are making legitimate steps to legalize gay marriage understand that they have a voice and use it. Others don't take advantage of it due to fear of being seen as too narrow-minded. I used to have an extreme phobia with that myself but lately, I'm having a change of heart. Seriously, too many people are band wagon followers. I don't want my kids questioning their sexual orientation at age 4 when they ask why I have a husband and why other girls have wives. I'm not trying to sound like I hate gays. I don't. I was also heartbroken about the recent suicide of that 14-year old boy who was bullied for being gay. I have a best friend who is gay and would never want him feeling like that. However, I respect that from a Biblical and scientific point of view, we were designed for a man and a woman. A man cannot impregnate another man and two women will never produce a baby. It's just simple anatomy. As much as people roll their eyes when they hear the Bible being brought up, no one can deny the fact that once you take a look at it, it answers pretty much any question life can throw at you. No other book can do that. Some people frowned upon what this guy said:

I respect this guy for being so firm in his beliefs despite the criticism. I aim to be that strong someday. For now, I'm working on it. I'm reading a book that I'll elaborate on later. I used to think I was really liberal but this year, I'm discovering I have a lot of opinions I've just been suppressing and these are just a few of the many. Can you imagine how long of an entry it would be to document them ALL? You would never come back to this blog again, lol.

'til next time, stay classy! ♥

Sunday, September 25, 2011

interesting article..

on the inclination of people and their belief in God.
Maybe some truth? Maybe not. Check it out. Just something to make you think.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

crazy love is crazy good.

"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan was definitely a memorable read for me. A lot of what I had read was stuff I have already been exposed to but the honesty in a lot of his insight was very blunt (in a good way). I liked his use of Scripture and how he made it cohesive with his thoughts without distorting the content to his advantage. My goal is to read at least one book every two weeks. This is the first of probably a lot of reviews, lol. I'm doing this paired with my reading plan for the Bible. I will be completely done with it in December, as I'm on track to finish it in 90 days. So far I'm on the book of Leviticus and I gotta say, reading the Bible and then going back to reading faith-based books is kinda neat cuz I am slowly becoming more familiar with the characters and stories being used. I recommend this book to anyone who likes to feel something when they read. I know I kept shifting from analogical to inspired to passionate. His use of everyday people was also very much uplifting and I especially was touched by the joy of the younger girls mentioned early on in the book. I don't even have to see a face or know much about her to know she loved Christ. I won't give anything away but it makes you think about how God uses people, no matter how grim a circumstance seems.  Also, this is the first book that commands you to do things while reading. It'll tell you to stop reading to pray or to think or to go watch videos that are on the book's website. It's a very refreshing approach to your convential preaching. Anyways, I've updated my playlist on this blog to match my current tastes in music. I'm kinda jumping from every genre and kinda going back to a lot of stuff I used to love before I hit my wild streak. I'm also trying to stay focused on my schoolwork and so far I haven't fallen behind on any work (that alone proves there IS a God, lol). This year I got financial aid for the first time ever (later than most due to some problems with registration but luckily, all straightened out). It's also another thing that lets me know I can't just blow things off. I'm used to waiting 'til I'm "in the right mood" but I bought a planner and try to do as much as I can on every day's agenda. It keeps me going cuz I like to check things off. I used to do it before but love distracted me. I can't say I'm having the most amazing life ever right now but I'm learning discipline and to not live in my head. I'd be lying if I said I still don't have my extreme lows...I still miss him. It's impossible to neglect a love as strong as the one I have for him. Even looking back at this blog makes me kinda sad..but God is the only thing that's keeping me here. I absolutely hate how things have ended but I do believe my interactions with God have been genuine so I have to put all my eggs in that basket (as Francis Chan tries to persuade you to do). I'm also getting together with an amazing faith-based counselor that's helping me battle my inner demons. I've kept a lot of junk in my head and in my heart that I've constantly beat myself up over. I've wallowed in shame and have especially let it destroy both me and my relationship with Andrew. That relationship enhanced every bit of self-hatred I had lurking in the back of my head but now I'm learning to control emotions that have damaged certain aspects of my life. Slowly, painfully, and patiently, I might be able to be happy. Maybe.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

can't bring you back..

I tried with every pore in my body, every inch of my soul and I couldn't.
I cannot believe it. He took my body then erased me.
I am both full of emotion yet numb..
I both hate him for what he's done and said to push me away
and yet I love him for what he used to say and do to keep me.
I miss his willingness and efforts to show me how much he loved me..
Simply put: I miss his love...more than anything else in this entire world.

This song is exactly how my relationship with Andrew went...

One thousand words would not bring you back
I know because i tried
Neither would one thousand tears
I know because I cried

You left behind a broken heart
happy memories too
But I did not want memories...

I wanted you...

This poem is exactly how I feel.
I love him.. 
and as the emptiness consumes me, he's writing about the hell he's in for still talking to me..
My identity is lost because my identity became being his.
I am in an unrequited love so deep that even in my dreams, I can't escape.
I am lost..I am completely drained.. I am broken...I am angry..I am sad..
at myself, at Andrew, and partly at God. 
He is the One I need and I don't feel Him around trying to help me.
I need Him...I kept trying cuz I thought He was rooting for us and saw what I saw.
...patience is both a virtue and a curse.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

leading ladies, love, and trust.

To start this entry off, I'm going in order of the blog title.
I get pretty bored at work and start Googling sometimes just to make the hours go by faster. Of course, that'll get me going with all these ideas in my head (since I can never turn that thing off). Today was particularly insightful as I stumbled upon an article that inspired some of this entry.
I read that Time Magazine recently named Amy Poehler as one of Time's 100 Most Influential People and I gotta say that brought a smile to my face. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are some of the most refreshing people in Hollywood today and are what I aspire to be like one day. I don't mean that I wanna be a carbon copy of them professionally, physically, or anything but just comfortable in my skin. These women are not the norm. They do not rely on their sexuality to navigate their careers. You almost never hear how hot they both are before you hear about what they're doing with their lives. They aren't intimidated by men and gender stereotypes. They have opinions. They can laugh at themselves. Do they ever wear slutty clothes? No. Half the time, they're dancing like idiots or doing something equally embarrassing/hilariously awesome. They often bring in their loved ones into their own projects (in other words, they take care of who they care about). I think I look up to both because I see some of myself in them but because of my insecurities, I've kind of conformed in life sometimes. I know I'm on the path to embracing myself better and when I look at these women, they are not where they're at because they followed the traditional "leading lady" blueprint. They are themselves and have acquired success because they've embraced and highlighted that in everything that they do. In that aspect, I definitely respect them both and hope to one day resemble them in that sense. I've taken a test that's fairly accurate about the kind of person I am.  Here's the link to my results. Although sometimes I hate being so nice, it's who I am. I've gotta learn to embrace rather than reject because I've done that with everyone/everything but myself. 

Love, as I've learned this year, is not an emotion. It is a commitment. It's the hardest commitment to fulfill because it's so simple. People wanna use the phrases "common sense" and "common courtesy" but we rarely actually put those terms into practice (hence the other cliche: "It's a lot easier said that done").  Love has definitely been turned into something so complex because it's taken so many different definitions to so many groups of people. In today's society, I feel we all unconsciously look for what a person can give us rather than what/who a person is and once we find "that person", we slap the word love to it so we can lock the person in. To some, love is security and to others it's a good time. Love can be sex and love can be financial stability. We idolize based on the universal themes we're all wanting/thinking will make us happy but I've discovered different. People want to say love is "work" but that's a harsh adjective for "effort" and "attention". Disagree? Well let me throw a couple of examples at you:
A person who loves music: Spends money on gear, spends time on practicing/performing/studying, invests emotions because they're passionate. Does it feel like "work" to them? No. It's something they live for so it doesn't feel like an obligation.
Second, a person who loves themselves enough to notice the pounds packing on: Spends money on books/clothes/gym memberships/special foods, spends time reading those books (well if this person is committed, haha), going to the gym, making special meals with the special foods, etc. Does that feel like work to them? Well.... lol. Maybe, but they don't complain because they love themselves enough to "work" and pay attention and at least try ("effort") to to change their lifestyle to ultimately better themselves and their quality of life. For me, love is God. Why? God is perfect. I'm not saying I am but I try to think like he would every day. Some of the beginning of this sounds very cold but believe me, I am the corniest, most romantic, most pathetic (lol) girl on the planet when it comes to love but it's just a different mindset I've had lately to ultimately receive that dream I want. Why spend time finding the perfect person instead of creating the perfect love? I'll post up the links to an amazing set of sermons by Andy Stanley that have helped. Would I say I love? Definitely. By nature, I think I'm naturally a loving person but have never really had the leverage to show to what extent. I do love though..very deeply. This link is pretty much how I love and how I want to be loved.

Lastly, trust. To make this short (since I've blabbed forever on this thing), trust is not earned. It is given. How do I know? I tried to earn hard and fell even harder. It's never going to work that way though. There have been people that have done things to merit my trust but I really can't think of 5 five people I completely trust. Some people have never done me wrong but I refuse to let them in. That sounds mean but it's just to illustrate a point. I've let other people in my past who haven't been worthy to have my trust and that's why I'm such a bitter ass bitch. (haha a little dry humor at the end) Nah, but you know what I mean? Trust is something we give to people and in a way, it's more flattering than giving someone your love. 

I wanna talk more but I won't. I'll end with this:
Everyone must go see Crazy, Stupid, Love. It's one of my favorite new movies. 

'til next time, stay classy!♥

Friday, July 29, 2011

apple, music, and other nonsense.,0,6877825.story?track=rss

If you click the link above, you'll read that Apple has more money than the "mighty" U.S. government.
I don't know whether to cry or laugh at this but I enjoy hearing all the clever jokes coming out of this so I'm laughing more than anything.
This just goes to show how even in the midst of one of America's worst troughs ever, our nation's population is still trying to preserve the image of wealth.
Do you REALLY need an iPad right now? No. Do you really have to have the newest iPhone? No. Will people be going crazy trying to get one when it comes out within the next year? Yes. Will they be trying to get the next one after that which will come out like 5 minutes after that? Probably. We are wearing ourselves out by just trying to keep up appearances. We are spending money we don't have on things we don't need and this mindset a mirror image of our government. I'm not going to act like I have this immense knowledge about what's going on because this summer I've been trapped in my own little bubble (lol) but everywhere I turn, it's the same things being pointed out. I'm just some girl in Texico with an opinion. We have the answer and it's just a matter of putting it into practice. I know it's a lot easier said that done since we're kinda screwed burying ourselves in too deep to get out but it's just something that I need to bitch (sorry, I'm trying to stop cussing) about for a couple of sentences. It just scares me. 

The other day I was talking to my coworker and somehow we started talking about music (actually, it's pretty easy to stumble on that conversation in a music store). I used to be IN LOVE with techno music and as I was bringing up the lifestyle that came with it and everything, my coworker pointed out something I've never really considered. He said," I don't like that music and anyone who is a true musician and plays a real instrument doesn't like it because it's taken away our business. Unless you're a rock star and are just too messed up to care, then you like it. Other than that, no." It's so true. Any person who plays a legitimate instrument doesn't really care for really produced music. You rarely find a person who loves with both Led Zeppelin and Deadmau5 equally. There's a certain level of respect I've always had for someone who can play (not produce) and I've never been more aware of this until my coworker brought up how it's hurt business. He pointed out how before, you had options in nightlife and now it's all pretty much techno. I've always known this but I didn't ever pay attention to it. It makes me sad to think that talented people get rejected for up-to-date people. People who can play their ass off are brushed off for people who can play the latest songs that'll bring in the people. Instead of inspiring, we are just trying to hype. Instead of soulful stimulation, we're focusing on a temporary illusion of stimulation which is usually induced by some form of abuse (alcohol, drug, etc.). It's just one of the many things I'm started to see differently.

I apparently have a new pair of glasses in which I see the world with that point out the realism in things. It's pretty startling when you notice the before & after mentalities. I wouldn't say I thought I was living a dream but it's definitely a completely different perspective. I've always had a struggle accepting my circumstance and lately it's not so much struggling to accept anything as much as it is struggling to change it. I feel clouded by negativity, even at home. I just want to grow. I feel like my growth is being stunted. It's not a good feeling. It's like being so close, yet so far from a lot of things. Ugh, most emo thing I've said in a while. I'm such a girl sometimes, it's annoying. I hate estrogen and the feelings that come with it (lol).

'til next time, stay classy!♥

Monday, July 4, 2011

the falling action.

There's no bible study today cuz of the 4th of July so I feel like I don't know what to do with myself, lol.
In English, there's a model for most novels. 
Exposition: basically the introduction (where characters, plot, setting, etc. are revealed) 
Rising Action: the build up of the whole story 
Climax: the turning point of everything
Falling Action: what happens after the "dun dun dun" moment.
Resolution: fairy tale? (or not, whatever: the ending)
   Now if I use that and apply it to my life, I'd say I'm in the falling action phase. The hardest part is over. My break up has literally redefined everything for me. Some have told me there's worse. They're right.. but for me, this has been the hardest thing I've dealt with emotionally. It's made me evaluate my entire life and why things happened the way they did that led up to it. I'm human. I've messed up a myriad amount of times. So many, it's kinda overwhelming to think about. However, I haven't really ever grown as much as I have this summer. I have never cared about anything more than my past relationship. NEVER. Nothing has ever made me think I was wrong. I thought everything I did was just dealing with a bad set of cards over and over again. Nothing has ever made me feel so much (usually I shut down).
   I've had a lot of free time and everyday I think about writing in my journal but I can't. I can't even begin to imagine where I'd start. I'd want to write from day one of meeting Andrew. The initial interest, the whole "swept off my feet" feeling, the refreshing conversations, the gestures of love that amazed me, the falling in love all over again with him when he came back from South Carolina (feeling like I was a giddy high schooler again), the complete euphoria I felt day after day after day until the problems started and the indescribable devastation I felt when things fell apart. Just to write about all the good would take me like a year because the moments replay in my head and feel just as real as when I watch TV. I always want to punch myself when I think about how much I've left out of my life in my journals. Andrew's even commented on it but if he only knew. Every time something has happened with him, I've wanted to write it down at that moment to document the raw feelings but I get caught up in the awe of it and always put it off. I could reflect now and write about it but I think it would've been a completely different and more vivid rendition of my relationship. I really think the pages would've screamed so loud with emotion that you'd have to close the notebook. 
   As of late, I'm not trying to dwell in the bad part of it but if I could sum up the feelings with something, it'd be this:
               You were my home
               Now I just walk the streets.
               My soft warm bed
               Now has only cold sheets.
               You were my sun
               Now the world's dark and cold.
               We were a future
               Now there's just growing old.
   I would share the other one but this entry would be kinda long, lol. Anyways, I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride this summer, considering I haven't had much of a social life. It's lead me to a better path with purpose. I still feel lost in many ways, but before this would've had me running to my old vices so I'd feel invincible again. Now, I'm taking things as they hit me and learning that it's okay to not feel 100% all the time. It's on those days that you can build yourself up again  and be even better on your good days. I don't exactly have all the answers to my life yet, but at least I know who to go to now.
   Despite what's happened between us, I still love Andrew more everyday. It matures daily too. I don't think I can describe what I feel for Andrew in words...but when I think of it, the famous Corinthians verses ring in my head. I think everything that I shown what's described in those verses except for the fact that I haven't been the most patient person in the world. It took a toll on him and ultimately, our relationship BUT thankfully God has shown me His amazing grace and allowed me to remain in contact with Andrew so now I'm trying to fix that flaw. It's really pulling me to come full circle from young lady to woman.The only person that's comforted me is one of my old coworkers who said that if I do love Andrew as much as it seems, to keep fighting. It's a daily battle with myself but hopefully I'll win the war. Do I know what's going to happen? No. Am I scared? Oh yeah...but I'm going with the miraculous signs He has shown me in the past couple of weeks and riding with that. I always knew it just wasn't my gut telling me to stick around and now that I'm trying to listen to the ultimate Coach, all I can do is pray to Him for more advice. He's already graciously come to me twice and it's been an eye-opener each time. Though my situation isn't my ideal one, I'm comforted by my faith which almost feels weird because when things used to happen to me, my sprinkle of faith in anything would evaporate in thin air. Now, I cling to my faith for dear life because it's the only thing that keeps me going. To anyone who does bother to read this thing, I just ask for prayer. I would be the happiest person alive if I could just have that moment I'm praying for. The moment to feel this again:
Thank you.
'til next time, stay classy♥