Tuesday, September 20, 2011

crazy love is crazy good.

"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan was definitely a memorable read for me. A lot of what I had read was stuff I have already been exposed to but the honesty in a lot of his insight was very blunt (in a good way). I liked his use of Scripture and how he made it cohesive with his thoughts without distorting the content to his advantage. My goal is to read at least one book every two weeks. This is the first of probably a lot of reviews, lol. I'm doing this paired with my reading plan for the Bible. I will be completely done with it in December, as I'm on track to finish it in 90 days. So far I'm on the book of Leviticus and I gotta say, reading the Bible and then going back to reading faith-based books is kinda neat cuz I am slowly becoming more familiar with the characters and stories being used. I recommend this book to anyone who likes to feel something when they read. I know I kept shifting from analogical to inspired to passionate. His use of everyday people was also very much uplifting and I especially was touched by the joy of the younger girls mentioned early on in the book. I don't even have to see a face or know much about her to know she loved Christ. I won't give anything away but it makes you think about how God uses people, no matter how grim a circumstance seems.  Also, this is the first book that commands you to do things while reading. It'll tell you to stop reading to pray or to think or to go watch videos that are on the book's website. It's a very refreshing approach to your convential preaching. Anyways, I've updated my playlist on this blog to match my current tastes in music. I'm kinda jumping from every genre and kinda going back to a lot of stuff I used to love before I hit my wild streak. I'm also trying to stay focused on my schoolwork and so far I haven't fallen behind on any work (that alone proves there IS a God, lol). This year I got financial aid for the first time ever (later than most due to some problems with registration but luckily, all straightened out). It's also another thing that lets me know I can't just blow things off. I'm used to waiting 'til I'm "in the right mood" but I bought a planner and try to do as much as I can on every day's agenda. It keeps me going cuz I like to check things off. I used to do it before but love distracted me. I can't say I'm having the most amazing life ever right now but I'm learning discipline and to not live in my head. I'd be lying if I said I still don't have my extreme lows...I still miss him. It's impossible to neglect a love as strong as the one I have for him. Even looking back at this blog makes me kinda sad..but God is the only thing that's keeping me here. I absolutely hate how things have ended but I do believe my interactions with God have been genuine so I have to put all my eggs in that basket (as Francis Chan tries to persuade you to do). I'm also getting together with an amazing faith-based counselor that's helping me battle my inner demons. I've kept a lot of junk in my head and in my heart that I've constantly beat myself up over. I've wallowed in shame and have especially let it destroy both me and my relationship with Andrew. That relationship enhanced every bit of self-hatred I had lurking in the back of my head but now I'm learning to control emotions that have damaged certain aspects of my life. Slowly, painfully, and patiently, I might be able to be happy. Maybe.

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