Friday, June 10, 2011

breaking the silence.

I was really trying to practice more discretion every since recent events in my life, which is why I haven't updated here or on Facebook.
I just can't help it though. I haven't felt this excitement in a long time...well probably like in 8 months. 
(since I fell in love)
This is a different type of excitement though. I feel good.
It's weird.
Why, you ask? I've read the Bible.
Some from the actual copy I have and some from Google search (lol) but it's amazing.
I've never in my whole life felt so much comfort from reading something. 
I've agreed with some great writers, I've being in awe, I've been touched but never comforted.
As I continue my counseling (that originally started as a means to repair my relationship),
the counselor says she sees a change in me and in my focus. She smiles. I see it too.  
For most of the sessions, I had been crying. Complaining. Venting. Seeing any information I could take to fix things. 
However, this past session, that wasn't my goal. I told her about a disappointing meeting with my (now ex) fiance this past week but I wasn't COMPLETELY broken as I have been previously.
I feel this certain sense of longing to reunite with Andrew, but I'm not pushing it. It has to come at the right time.
Everyday, we take for granted that we have the CHOICE to decide what bothers us and what doesn't. 
It's a simple yet powerful tool we take for granted. 
I was going to make this summer a priority for church, quality time with loved ones, my body, my beautiful dogs, and my relationship and I haven't. I've chosen not to because I've been my vision has only been for my relationship.
I chose to neglect everything to grieve. That's normal. I'm still indescribably devastated. That doesn't mean that I become the living dead. 
I have been though. Reading the Bible gives me this enlightenment that no person has been able to given me.
I'm not the the point where I can recite verses by memory, but I have a feeling I will be very soon.
Does this mean I'm over Andrew? Not by any means.
This means I've redirected my focus though to what I've ignored my whole life: my faith in God.
I'm sure once I give myself to Him in the way He wants, things will fall into place, according to His plan. 
I never thought I'd sound so proud of my growing faith, but I am. It's great.

This is my adorable honey bear, Dusty.
He's only 4 months but he's already bulked up to 15 pounds!! They grow too fast. :'(
'til next time, stay classy!♥

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