So I didn't have time to write last night but that doesn't mean I forgot. I was just in a funky place. Something weird went down in my house last night (a break-in attempt?) and I was a little out of whack. I didn't even sleep much. However, today brought some good news. I have some really understanding teachers this semester so that's helped me a lot with my full plate. Also, I heard again from the author of The Happiness Project. Initially, she e-mailed me back but only gave me a one sentence reply. Needless to say, I was a little bummed since I had taken the time to carefully craft the e-mail: long enough to give background but short enough to be bareable (lol) and then ask for some advice. I didn't know which of the three e-mails she gives to send it to, so I sent it to all three (hahaha, desperate, much?) but luckily, today she had the time to read my e-mail again and gave a more heartfelt reply:
"Hi Michelle --
Thanks so much for your kind email. I'm thrilled to hear that my work resonates with you.
It sounds as though you’ve done a lot of thinking about what really makes you happy and the conditions that you need to feel happier as you make decisions as you move forward. I wish I had some easy advice! What works for me is to Be Gretchen—Be Michelle. The more I think about, and put into action, the truth about my own nature, temperament, interests, and values, the happier I get. But it’s very hard to do! Good luck, I'll be thinking of you. HAPPY 2012! I very much appreciate you taking the time to write.
Pretty cool, right? Anyways, I cried about my past for the first time in a really long time. Looking through my phone, I think I had an emotional response to the acceptance I finally embraced wholeheartedly. Then, today I read an article on Huffington Post that explained what I felt pretty well:
"I learned that a hard edge and stubborn spirit can only get you so far. I began to see the wisdom in acceptance, surrendering to discomfort. Softness is not in opposition to strength; it supports it. Where I used to see my ex as some malevolent demon, "el esposo diablo," I began to see him as a hurt, fearful child cowering in a corner. Compassion seeped into the anger, softening its edges and allowing me to downshift. Anxiety, which had been a constant companion, was slowly replaced with a calmer mind."
These past few days have just been days where I've felt very overwhelmed...in a good way.
Recovering from a mild stomach virus, my classmate (who I'm not even close to) helped me out a lot and I'm just more thankful every day...especially for Eric.
'til next time, stay classy!♥