Tuesday, July 27, 2010

angry chick music...well kind of.

OMG I'm such a girl. lmao 
I took pictures of the gift I made him but I think that gift should for private eyes only. Sorry.
Pretty creative though. I impressed myself.
Damn I would've made such a good army wife, haha jk.
So yeah..today he left and that's done.
I've become comfortably numb to the whole situation and 
can move on to better things, I guess.
Like my new tattoo (yes I got it July 23rd) and blog title say..change is the only constant.
So far, so good.:)

'til then, stay classy!♥

Saturday, July 24, 2010

a new chapter?

This must be a sign from God, lol.

Anyways, I've finally decided to let things go with him.
I used to think that I was full of strength for even holding on this long, but
now I'm learning that sometimes it takes more strength to know when to let go.
I've done everything..and now I can't do anything but end things as best I can
and just let things be..you can't change people or their actions..the only 
thing you can do is change your reaction to them. 
I miss being genuinely happy. I miss my spunk..
It's still there but now it's sporadic as opposed to the BAM you used to get.
Life's and sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and go with the flow.
haha, I feel like I'm just throwing out a bunch of lines but this is what I feel.
I think I had a slight epiphany. I mean, I've had them before but this one 
seems like it's gonna stick. 

I used to keep a journal a lot but now I'm blogging instead..
I don't blog often. I used to write a lot.
I don't know..something different I guess.
It's pretty much the same outlet but in a different format. 
The last writing I did was by far some of my best. 
Not like content wise like epic like "DAMMNN" but like therapeutic.

'til then, stay classy!♥

Friday, July 16, 2010


Just when I think I'm accepting the circumstance, he comes back into my life.
I mean, I wanted that.
I wanted to know it wasn't just me that was still thinking of him.
I wanted to know the whole "relationship" wasn't just a figment of my imagination.
He's back..but now what? Back to the endless mindfuck. 
He'll be gone again on the 27th.
I have a little something up my sleeve for my goodbye.
Luckily, him getting a hold of me allows me to go through with it.
Usually I warn him beforehand that I have a surprise coming his way but this one's gonna be unexpected. 
I think it'll leave a bigger impact that way.
Can't say what it is here though, hehe.

I take comfort in knowing that HE came back to ME for once but that's not enough.
What does he want? You come back to stay, not to leave again.
Peace of mind maybe? Even then, that's slightly unfair to me.
Putting me through heartbreak again just for his satisfaction. 
I mean, I did get what I want but I knew once I'd get that, I'd want more.
I'm used to him disappointing me (as horrible as that sounds) and now that he did 
something right, it really makes me wonder what his intentions are when he leaves.

I think he did something big (and very uncharacteristic)..but he resorted back to his typical self. 
People say I shouldn't settle..and that's true.
I have plenty of other guys who give me more attention and who will
value me more but it doesn't really mean much unless it's coming from him. 
He's a real puzzle♥..

Thursday, July 8, 2010

third law.

Sir Isaac Newton's third law of motion states that for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction
and if you think of life in a technical sense, this is very true.
Life is a never ending search of self-discovery and self-actualization and I'm still trying to figure things out.
I have to be realistic to where I am right now and to where I want to be.

I'm planning on moving to San Antonio in about 6 months, for more than one reason.
Problem is money. Isn't it always?
Well yeah, my dad apparently banks too much and I don't receive financial aid.
Not only that but my brother is starting college in the fall as well.

I'm working part-time, but that's more like extra money for my vices, gas, and food.
(oh and some debt I owe to IBC, hehe)
I did the math and can make pretty good bank if I also take on a full-time job.
I could actually juggle both with my fall schedule since I'll only have classes on Tuesdays & Thursdays.
I'll just never have a life. It's a small sacrifice though for the freedom I can experience in San Antonio.
I can save up until the end of the year and have more than enough money that I can even use to pay
in advance for rent.

Sounds promising but I'd just really have to cut down on spending money on stupid shit.
It's all about numbers and lately I'm realizing the saying "there's power in numbers" is quite accurate in circumstances like mine.

Okay, so about this whole "third law" title...
just as I decide that I might grow some balls and actually explore some of MY interests, I read this article:


talk about total trip kill..I was really planning on hitting a few of these things up.
I've always wanted to and even though I've used money as an excuse, it's more fears of going out of Texas
or the fact that I don't know people who are into this genre of music enough to go with.
So just as I decide to take action (aka look into costs and travel), there comes news that they're possibly gonna be done away with. Just my luck, right? Oh well, this is where prayer comes in I suppose.
Contrary to what most of you are thinking..NO, I DO NOT want to go over there to roll. I've pretty much stopped that but I'm still addicted to the scene. Here are videos of the ones I wanna check out:

'til next time, stay classy! ♥